'Jezus' - een roep om hulp of een vloek?

There are some difficult incidents in life that linger around in one's mind for a long time. It can sometimes be a choice in life, which you later seem to regret or an unchosen accident, which makes you feel unsecure. However trusting in God and having the assurance deep down inside that 'God knows' and 'Jesus christ has himself gone through suffering, so He understands' has made a difference to me in trusting God and it has helped me in coping with my situation.

Moreover, there are a few happenings, few seconds after my accident that stand out in my thoughts. One was the shock of experiencing the bus coming towards me and before I could react I am helplessly thrown under the bus. While under the bus, you helplessly watch the bus continuously accelerating forward and towing the already crushed cycle under its front wheels before it comes to a halt.

The other thing that stands out was my conscious reaction immediately after the bus came to a halt. It was quite interesting as I spoke to one of the employees at 'De Amersfoortse Verzekering' in Amersfoort today(which would eventually be the reason for this blog). Even though I have not worked with her, she spoke to me kindly, after recognizing that I was the person who had the accident 9 months ago. We started speaking in English before I looked for an opportunity to switch to Dutch. Within a few moments, she said that one of her family members was also in the bus and she seemed to have seen me lying under the bus. Interested further, I asked her to say more about that moment and what she felt. The next thing she told me, which was shared to her by the family member, made me stop and think.

"Hij was boos en hij kon goed vloeken in het Nederlands". (He was angry and could swear easily in dutch). This sentence may not literally be correct but boos (translated as angry) and vloeken (translated as a swear word) were mentioned exactly. I rolled my thoughts and immeditely it caught upon the conscious words I uttered "Jezus, ik kan niet tegen"(Jesus, I cannot bear this).

I told her "I did use the name Jesus but not as a swear word because I am a believer I dont swear, It was a cry for help". She immediately told me that it was made to affirm that my Dutch is good and not meant otherwise. We went to talk about different other things and finished our conversation.

I started thinking in my ride back home about how easily a stereotype can be made. Well, I thought, it was a desperte cry from within me for help in pain. Psalms 120:1 says "In my distress I cried out to God and He heard me". It was meant in that manner. I dont recollect being angry but desperate in pain and crying out to God for help in a situation that I did not expect.

Just moving away from the conversation and the incident, something that makes me sad often is the concept of swearing. 'Jezus Christus'(Jesus Christ) as a swear word is often used by a lot of people in the western world. During those times as well, the Bible says he was spit upon, beaten and rejected (Mark 15:19). But, I have heard my grandfather whisper the sweet name 'Jesus' over and over again when he was bedridden, some months before his death when I visited him. I have seen people being delivered and set free at His name. People getting healed. The name still has power and is powerful but It definitely is painful to hear it as a swear word.

P.S: Title translated in English ('Jesus' - A call for help or a swear word)