The slow fade

 It is was in the year 2013, there was the breaking news that seven time 'Tour de France' winner finally decided to respond in an interview to Oprah Winfrey. Lance Armstrong after several defiant denials finally confessed to Oprah Winfrey in an interview of taking performance enhancing drugs. This came as a shock since several of his fans considered him as a superhero. Given that he is a cancer survivor, his victories were considered as nothing short of a miracle. It is the toughest bicycle competition where cyclists need to cover a distance of 3500 kilometres on the mountain chains of Pyrenees and Alps in France.

The United States Anti-doping agency (USADA) in a 164 page report mentioned that Lance Armstrong pulled out a sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping program the sport has ever seen and he was banned for life after being stripped of all his medals. The ruling from the doping body came almost 7 years after he won the 7th 'Tour de France' title. It was a shock as everyone had to look at Lance in a different light after his dramatic fall from grace. The newspapers referred to him as a  “disgraced sportsman”. It was unbelievable that a person of the calibre of Lance could have actually been involved in not only a doping scandal but also stubbornly suing all the people who made allegations against him. He was defiant and taking a look at him from the outside, the world saw him to be truthful but it wasn’t the case.

During the interview, Lance admitted to a shocking revelation that this was the second time in his whole life that he wasn’t able to control the outcome of 'bad news' in his life - the first one being his cancer diagnosis and the second one was him being exposed as a cheater taking performance enhancing drugs. To be fair, Lance was forced to come out and surrender from his safe haven and stop his defending tweets after the overwhelming evidence of  his involvement in doping. One of his famous defiant tweets was a picture of him relaxing on a couch with his 7 yellow jersey titles fixed against the wall. It appeared that he was a bully who was controlling the outcome of his races. He admitted using private jets to take out his blood before the race which would later be injected again during the 21 day race which would improve his stamina. 

As the confession started unravelling, I was relaxing in bed after a tiring week on a Sunday afternoon and had a panicky feeling deep down. At the end of the interview, I got down on my knees, said a word of prayer and hurried to attend the evening service at church. I wasn’t planned to go that evening but I remember forcing myself because of the heaviness in my heart. One of the revelations of Lance was that he became a bully and a bigger cheat after him being diagnosed with cancer.

“Before my diagnosis, I was a competitor but not a fierce competitor but the process of the diagnosis changed me. I will do anything that I have to do to survive"

"I took the ruthless and relentless win it all attitude from fighting my cancer into cycling” were the words of Lance in the interview.

This can happen to any sportsman or any person in any field, I thought on trying to process the circumstances and path which led to his downfall. There was a single lie which Lance entertained in his mind which was evident from his interview.

“Because of my cancer disease and one of the testicles being removed, I went low on testosterone and justified the need to boost it by doping” said Lance as he tried to rationalise his thinking on using the banned substance.

The fame obtained in any field magnifies a human being which could cause immense pressure on the individual to live up to the expectations of the fans thereby leading to one's downfall. I was thinking of how his fans and sponsors would have been immensely happy when they saw him win the titles one after the other and thereafter the betrayal on knowing that it was all a lie would have been incomprehensible.

“If you are a jerk, fame makes you a bigger jerk and if you are an humanitarian it makes you even more” said Oprah talking about fame magnifying a person to which Lance agreed whole heartedly.

I couldn’t help but think of how often our talents, cause the downfall if the unrealistic expectations and desires are not nipped in the bud. One of the biggest heartbreaks in faith circles is when a preacher falls from grace.

The podium from which a preacher speaks is generally some feet higher than from where the public is seated and people do look up to the speaker. It is a gift which can be used to influence the audience and there are possibilities you become popular because of the use of your vocabulary and charm. In cases when hard topics are explained in a simple way the person wins the approval of the gathering.

In a church setting however the personal life of the preacher and the sermon that he is preaching on the podium are expected to be in line. The pulpit life and personal life are expected to be one and the same. It is important for the teacher to expose his own weakness, if any to a trusted few in addition to confessing to God in prayer. This would help to prevent any heartbreaks for himself and others in the future and also help in being accountable.

There is a tremendous amount of pressure for the preacher to be flawless which sadly goes awry. There is a huge burden placed to cater to the spiritual needs of others very often neglecting the preacher’s own spiritual needs.

Growing up as a young kid, I observed Dad having weekly prayer meetings at home for more than 30 years which automatically made him a preacher. There was a scrutiny at school whenever you were naughty that being a preacher’s son you shouldn’t have behaved in a particular manner. It used to be huge burden to be in a spot where there is an expectation that you need to live in a certain way better than the rest of the group. Later in life, I am so thankful that it automatically kept me accountable and on track because of the moral expectations from my teachers.

“God, keep me away from any kind of sin or take me out of this country” was my tearful prayer at the airport when I had the opportunity to visit Netherlands. I was just 22 years of age and my unstable mind was playing games against my will stating that there was no one watching me since no one knew me in the foreign country. Having been born in a conservative safe haven and moving to an extremely liberal country scared me like crazy because of the need to be morally right. 

Looking back after several years, I am grateful that God has always answered my prayers and my prayer is to be holy to the end of my life.

In a day and age like this time, this is one of the taboo subjects that is not being spoken of publicly, but we do see incidents of some preachers fall from grace and it is heartbreaking. However with allegations mounting on the sexual purity of popular preachers even after their lifetime, it is an import topic to be brought back into perspective and have a teacher who can keep the preacher accountable. The mind plays games trying to rationalise the need for indulgence because of the "demands" of the ministry. The generous appreciation and attention shown because of the preacher's gifting puts pressure on the preacher to not expose the weakness in the open.

The sad part is that the spiritual attack from the enemy of our souls is more when we defend the need to be morally right and preach more about holiness.

“For all that is in the world - the lust of flesh, lust of eyes and pride of life comes not from God, the father but from the world”. There is a need to keep a check on the  wandering eye and distracted thoughts since Jesus talks about the eye being the lamp of the body and it needs to be clean for the whole body to be full of light. There is always hope since Jesus was also tempted in this world and lived without sin and there were popular followers like Billy Graham who lived a controversy free moral life.